


Written in Ink

by myoonseouls



Category: Our Life: Beginnings & Always (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Break Up, Crying, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, I am so sorry, Letters, Love Letters, Mental Breakdown, Multi, for all of u that want to feel something, help me, honestly it’s 2am and i just want to cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29708004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myoonseouls/pseuds/myoonseouls
Summary: sometimes things don’t work out the way you want, sometimes things get too much to handle. new overwhelming scenarios become too much, sometimes you’d rather be alone.however, sometimes that doesn’t work out too well.
Relationships: Cove Holden/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Written in Ink

**Author's Note:**

> set after step 3!
> 
> (i’m sorry)

~~_Hi Cove_ ~~

~~_Hey Cove_ ~~

~~_We should totally break up_ ~~

how do you even word something like this?

how do you write something that’s been weighing, pinning you down like a brick on your chest?

how do you write a goodbye to the one you love the most?

they say overcoming defeat, coming to conclusions is the hardest part.

but what if you can’t come to a conclusion?

a breakup letter seems old - half assed even, as if you couldn’t care less, but that was so far from what you truly felt.

in fact, you felt too much. you didn’t want to lose him, but you didn’t want to drag him down with you either.

depression kills. literally. 

it breaks at you, little by little until you eventually, as a whole, fall apart.

you were afraid.

you didn’t want to lose your only safe place in the world, but it was the only way out of the guilt that was constantly eating at the pit of your stomach.

so, you wrote.

_Dear Cove,_

_I’m writing this to tell you something that’s been on my mind for a while. please don’t be mad or upset with yourself, please feel anger and hatred towards me, because i truly don’t deserve you._

_you’re probably reading this with anxiety at the pit of your stomach and i’m sorry, so i’ll just get to the point._

_i want to break up._

_it seems harsh, but this was the only way i could think of, without having to see you crumble in front of my eyes. no one knows i’m writing this, no one even knows about this decision. it’s not impulsive, i swear. that much i can promise._

_the truth is, my mental state can’t handle anything right now. everyday is a constant struggle, and i cant bring myself to take you down with me. i cant keep going on with the guilt knowing that you’re getting affected with my mentality too. it’s my fault you’re sad some days, i know you don’t want to admit it, but i know it. i don’t want you constantly in worry that i might not be there the next morning, afraid to leave my side just in case something happens._

_i don’t want you to care for me anymore, i’m taking away years that you can be doing with someone else. someone worth it, someone that deserves it. someone that won’t need your constant reassurance or attention._

_this is such a difficult decision, and i’m sorry i had to do this._

_please find someone better than me, you deserve that much at least._

_i love you, forever and always._

_—Y/N._

you stood up with tears streaming down your face, dropping down onto the envelope in which you wrapped the letter in.

you quickly slipped the letter in the inside of your jacket so nobody would see, wiping your tears away from your face, leaving red marks under your eyes from the friction of your sleeve.

you rushed downstairs, looking over towards the sofa to see Ma watching some sort of crime documentary - you couldn’t really care less what was on.

”Ma?” you spoke softly, watching her peer her head towards you with a smile plastered on her face.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” she replied, an eyebrow raised at your current state.

”I’m going to quickly give Cove something that he left here, I’ll be two seconds” you say as you open the door, receiving a nod of the head from Ma, meaning ‘don’t be too long’.

you ran across the street to Coves front door, placing the letter on the ground since the Holdens didn’t have a letter box. 

you stood outside their door, memories flooding back to the thousands of hugs on this very door step. the sleepovers, dinners, family nights, road trips, vacations.

all of which was going to get ruined all because of you.

you were-

“Y/N?” Mr Holden spoke from in front of you, waving a hand in front of your face to gain your attention. “Do you want me to get Cove?” Mr Holden added, giving a worried glance towards you. He was always able to detect if something was wrong.

”Oh- no its fine. I-I was just dropping off a letter” you said with a smile, pointing towards the red envelope on the ground.

”Ah okay, let me know if you need anything else sport two!” Mr Holden said with a cheery tone, sending you a wave after picking up the envelope then closing the door in front of you.

sport two.

how you’ll wish his fatherly tone.

Later that night, you were awakened by a noise from your window.

Cove Holden.

you thought this would happen, you knew him best after all.

he opened your window, peering down at your broken state as you pretended to sleep.

he couldn’t bring himself to wake you, instead silently watching your ‘sleeping figure’ with tears streaming down his face faster than a waterfall. sniffles were heard every five seconds from him, he was wondering if he should even be there now that you two were no longer ‘a thing.’

he couldn’t help himself however, he couldn’t stop the endless tears, heartbreak, the coughing fits that came when he felt like he couldn’t breathe due to the amount of tears falling from his eyes.

”Y/N...” Cove croaked out, you opened an eye slowly, unable to bring yourself to look at him in the eyes.

“You don’t mean it, right? you don’t mean what you said.. you don’t mean what you wrote.. right? Y-You we’re just tired.. yeah. tired.” Cove chuckled sadly, furiously wiping the tears that fell from his face.

You sat up, unable to listen to him cry anymore, however still not making eye contact with the other.

”I’m sorry, Cove..” you mumbled, staring at your hands that found place in your lap.

”N-No don’t apologise, it’s fine. i know you don’t mean it. I-It’s fi-“ Cove spoke, until he got cut off unexpectedly by you.

”No, Cove. I meant it. I’m sorry.” you replied, tears already spilling from your eyes as he stared dumbfounded at you.

”I-I cant keep going knowing you’re hurting because of _me._ I cant keep going knowing you’re so afraid of _me_. I don’t want you to feel like this! I don’t want you to feel down because of me!” you shouted the last part, curling your hands into fists yet still refusing to make eye contact with the turquoise haired male.

”I hate knowing you’re up at 5am crying yourself to sleep over _me_. I hate knowing you try everything you can yet you seem like it still isn’t enough because Cove it’s everything to _me_. everything i wanted and more-“ you continued, however karma hit you, and you got cut off by him instead.

”I’d go through all of that and worse for you! Y/N, i love you. i love you so, _so_ much to the point it hurts. yeah, it hurts knowing one day you might feel the lowest you’ve ever felt and i won’t be able to do anything to stop that, but for god sake i’ll try my best if it means i don’t lose the only person in my life that made me _feel_ again! the only person in my life to have ever properly listen, the only person to _stay_.” Cove shouted too, he quickly regretted it as he saw your face crumble in front of him.

as if on cue of your tears, he threw his arms around you, putting your head in his chest, afraid to ever let go.

“Does Mr Holden know?” you asked, finally meeting his eyes.

and oh how you wish you didn’t. his eyes were puffy and bright red, his once caring smile was gone, no where to be seen. it broke you more than ever.

”N-No, I didn’t tell him. If i’m being honest i just started crying when i read it and didn’t leave my room up until now” Cove said with a nervous laugh, you could feel his breath tickling the side of your neck as he laughed.

”Look, Y/N, we could make this work. you don’t have to be alone, and you certainly don’t need to feel guilty about me and how i’m feeling. Y/N, i’m worried about you, i’ll admit that. What you don’t understand is if i didn’t want to worry, i could of just left you - but i haven’t. i want to stick by your side, i want to watch you overcome this, i want to see you be a happier person for the rest of our life” Cove spoke, calming himself down as he rambled about his life together with you.

”Alright... Cove i’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for putting you through this - I-I didn’t know what else to do, it’s like i’m stuck in an endless cycle of feeling worry, despair and guilt. you’re the best person in my life, i never wanted to hurt you, i wanted you to be free” you said as your voice broke, more tears falling to your lap.

”I only feel free when i’m with you, Y/N” Cove stated firmly, he took a grasp of your hand and made circle patterns with his thumb.

you gave a tired smile, rubbing your eyes both wiping your tears and from exhaustion.

”I’m not letting you break your promise of never leaving me so easily, y’know. Get some sleep, we can speak more in the morning if you like. I’ll stay with you, my love” Cove spoke as he laid you both down, a smile reappearing on his face.

you almost forgot about the promise, but at least now you can love him with slightly less guilt.

You can love each other free, and with full honesty.

Thats what it means to love.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly this wasn’t how i planned for this to go. i originally planned for them to stay broken up but my poor soul couldn’t handle that so here we are. it’s also terribly written but whatever it’s almost 3am now give me some slack lol i hope u enjoyed it!! :)


End file.
